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by Bonnie Schultz
Children’s mental and emotional health has currently been at the forefront of discussions led by school leaders, teachers, and administrators. Even at EdTech investor meetings, frequented by venture capitalists looking to make new investments, the mental health and social-emotional growth of children is seen as a number one concern in education with efforts underway to address the matter. It’s no wonder. As the nation seems to veer from one crisis to another (pandemic, Ukraine war, mass shootings, inflation, floods, wildfires, and so on), parents and teachers all over the world have had to contend with the effects of these disastrous events on children. As parents, we try to keep our children safe, healthy, and happy, but children are easily affected by external events over which we have no control.
Children’s mental health has deteriorated during and after the pandemic such that the American Psychological Association as well as other reputable organizations are declaring a children’s mental health crisis. Dorothy Johnson-Linner, a fifth-grade teacher who recently retired from an elementary school in Illinois, has witnessed this firsthand. “Once school opened, I noticed that children’s mental health had gotten worse. In the past, in a class of twenty-five kids, you might have one who was not following the rules. Now, there were five or six kids who were completely disruptive.”
Children had just lost their desire to be successful and felt defeated. “I never had this problem so widespread before. I retired earlier than I had intended. I was planning on going back after Christmas vacation and changed my mind.”
U.S. News and World Report states that 6 out of 10 working parents have reported being “extremely” or “very” concerned about children’s mental health over the last two years. Marti Bledsoe Post, Executive Director of On Our Sleeves, a national movement to abolish stigmas around children’s mental health, says that their focus group research revealed that parents are seeing more “talking back,” less helpful behavior at home, more nervous and worried types of episodes, age inappropriate meltdowns, withdrawal and not getting along with siblings, and more incidents at school. Post also says that 98% of educators believe mental health challenges impede learning in the classroom but only 20% of educators feel equipped to help their kids with mental health and well-being.
What to Look For
When you have concerns about your child’s mental health, it’s important to act as early as possible. Parents are the first line of defense. Some warning signs might include:
Personality changes such as becoming withdrawn if previously outgoing.
Exhibiting cruelty to animals.
Angry tantrums, destructiveness, and belligerence.
Self-harm episodes.
Excessive complaining or negative and defeatist language.
Difficulty with organization and focus.
Acting out at school and home, getting into trouble when child used to obey the rules.
Disturbed sleeping patterns.
Avoiding social interaction, isolating, not having friends.
Not wanting to go to school or a sudden drop in grades.
Acting withdrawn or apathetic in response to events that should inspire joy.
Risky behavior such as running away or endangering themselves.
Obsession with weight.
Regression or age-inappropriate behavior.
By setting up a meeting with your child’s teacher, you can discuss your concerns and see if the teacher can provide feedback regarding your child at school. Sometimes the teacher sees issues before the parent does. Between you and your child’s educators, you will be able to support the “whole child” by focusing on your child’s social-emotional, creative, and cognitive capabilities.
Some medical schools (such as NYU Langone Health) and hospitals also have testing centers if you have concerns about your child and would like to arrange for an external evaluation. Simply ask your school psychologist or social worker to see what’s available in your area.
Supporting Your Child’s Mental Health
The good news is that there are plenty of things that you can do to foster good mental health. Children who are loved and nurtured are more likely to grow into resilient, happy, and successful people. While you may think it’s obvious that a loved child is a happy child, this has been proven by science: in 2010, researchers at Duke University Medical School found that babies with very affectionate and attentive mothers grow up to be happier, more resilient, and less anxious adults. When these babies were interviewed 30 years later, adults whose mothers showed excessive, or “caressing” affection were much less likely than the others to feel stressed and anxious. They were also less likely to report hostility, distressing social interactions, and psychosomatic symptoms.
Some tips for supporting your child’s mental health include:
Ensure a good night’s sleep: Consult a doctor if your child experiences any sleep issues.
Computers: If a child has access to them, they should be out in full view, so you know what your child is doing. In general, cell phones can wait until middle school, and if the child has one, parents should check texts to keep an eye out for cyber bullying and other issues. According to Johnson-Linner, “It’s perfectly reasonable to look at a child’s computer history, because when you have minors, you have to supervise them; don’t think of it as an invasion of privacy.”
Encourage eating healthfully: Can be challenging but try to make sure your child eats nutritious foods. Family dinners are also important for family cohesion as well as nutrition (studies show that children do better in school when families eat together). It’s also a good idea to avoid sugar if possible.
Set up afterschool activities but don’t overdo it. A busy child is a happy child. Sports offer the chance to work with coaches. Coaches can be role models, and there are plenty of hobbies and extracurricular activities where they can follow their interests and engage socially with other children.
Make playdates but also know their friends: If your child is invited to a party or sleepover where you don’t know the family , it’s a good idea to chat with the parents ahead of time before accepting the invitation. Talk to your child after playdates to see what they did and how it went if you’re not there.
Talk to your child about bullying: Try to determine whether they’re being bullied or doing any bullying. Meet with the school if you have concerns.
Spend quality time with your child at night, reading stories or having them read to you. Set it up so your child is used to talking to you and reading together. Reading with them fosters good communication by giving them language to express their feelings.
Follow a structure: Children love consistency.
Get tutoring if needed: If you perceive that your child needs extra help, get them tutoring so they do not fall behind and their self-esteem suffers.
Communicate with your child: Make sure to talk to your child. Ask them about their day, feelings, and opinions in a warm and accepting manner. Involve them in decision making that affects them so they feel that their views are important. Your child will then pay more attention to their world and start caring more about it and other people. It will help teach your child to turn their focus outward rather than becoming immersed in their own concerns.
Show physical affection: As your children grow, you might tend to decrease or stop the hugs and kisses. Children still need to be shown that you love them.
Pets: If you like animals, most children would love a pet to greet them when they return home from school. Caring for an animal teaches empathy and responsibility.
Lisa Garwood, a retired music teacher, suggests that parents need to try to see their child’s concerns through their eyes. “Even if a child is overwhelmed by two pages of homework, suggest they do it in breaks, walking around the house if needed. Try to realize that what isn’t a problem for you, could still be a problem for them.”
When Garwood was teaching, she started her classes with a mindfulness activity whereby children would close their eyes and listen to music. Afterwards, children talked about what they heard and whatever the music made them think of. She suggests mindfulness meditation for children that they can use to calm themselves and foster a positive mindset. “My most hyperactive kids loved it the most,” says Garwood.
Parents can use an app such as Insight Timer to guide their child through a meditation and tailor it to their needs. “Practice mindful exercises: calm yourself, listen to your thoughts, identify, and notice them and go back to deep breathing. In the long run, choose how not to let the mind go down an unhealthy path. In mindfulness meditation, you’re choosing to notice your thoughts. Parents can learn what to do and how to best help them,” says Garwood.
Helping Your Child
If you feel that your child is experiencing mental health issues such as depression or anxiety, the first step is to acknowledge the problem and get your child the help they need. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a trained children’s mental health professional; the sooner you set up a consultation or evaluation, the sooner your child will receive support or treatment.
While parents often look to the school system to help with their children’s issues, Johnson-Linner says that parents need to understand the scope of what the school system will do. “The school doesn’t have clinicians [that treat students],” she says. If a psychologist is in a school, they are there to evaluate for referrals but not to provide clinical support. They attend Individual Educational Plan (IEP) meetings and do evaluations for clinical expertise, but the child would need to see a therapist or other clinician outside the school.
Resources
While having your child evaluated by a mental health professional or team is the first step towards helping your child, realize that you are the primary person who can initially support your child by recognizing the problem in the first place. Trust yourself to notice a difference in behavior or affect in your child and then use some of the following resources to provide support and helpful information:
On Our Sleeves: A national children’s mental health organization that provides free resources to every community to educate families and teachers and empower advocates. Free guides on their website include “5 Ways to Boost Your Child’s Confidence,” “Managing Anger in Kids,” and “Growing our Gratitude.”
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): A national organization with over 600 local affiliates that work in the community to help people afflicted by mental illness and their families build better lives. NAMI runs support groups for families and loved ones of people with mental illness.
American Psychiatric Association: Founded in 1844, it is the world’s largest psychiatric organization. Member physicians work together to ensure humane care and effective treatment for all persons with mental disorders. If you need to find a child psychiatrist, you can use their database to search in your area.
American Psychological Association: A scientific and professional organization that represents psychology in the United States. The mission of the APA is to advance the creation, communication, and application of psychological knowledge to benefit society and improve people’s lives. The site is mainly a resource for parents to read through APA publications; articles on their website include talking to your child about inflation and other financial fears.
National Institute of Health: Various publications indicate when behavior is “just a stage” or can signify more serious mental health concerns.
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