Becoming Learning Allies for Our Children

Becoming Learning Allies for Our Children

By Carolyn Sloan

“Important achievements require a clear focus, all-out effort, and a bottomless trunk full of strategies. Plus, allies in learning.” – Carole Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

During my 30-year tenure as an educator, parents would often ask me about how they could encourage their children to practice more, to study harder and generally to do better in school. Instead of answers, I’d reply with many questions: “How often do you read for pleasure in front of your child?” “Do you sit in the same room as your child as they practice piano?”  “What is your practice around reading to your children?” And finally, “What kinds of questions do you ask?” and “How curious are you?”

Inevitably, parents would answer in ways that sounded apologetic, but clear in the way that they were busy making dinner while their child was practicing, or they were working at home, or watching television while their kids were doing homework.  These activities are fine and necessary. Every parent understands we need to feed our children! 

How many of us are  ‘allies’ in our children’s learning?

What I was trying to tease out of these parents is what their children were practicing was everything they are familiar with; what they see and experience.  It’s an unfortunate truth that learning habits are formed largely unconsciously unless we mindfully practice different behavior.  So, if your habit after dinner is to relax in a chair and turn on the television or open your phone, guess what? Your toddler or young child will copy exactly that… their play will include and repeat your actions and things that you say. Most of us have seen this happen often with our kids. They’ll go to the closet, put on our shoes, sit in a chair, and make believe they’re working or talking on the phone.  These things don’t change as kids grow. They intensify. How?

“Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it each day, and at last we cannot break it.” – Horace Mann, American Educator

Learning in the early years is experiential. Children play, pick things up, experiment and listen to conversations in the home, day care, school wherever they spend time. By the time they are 7 or 8, they’ve already formed their own routines, but largely unconsciously. Experts often refer to this kind of learning as implicit learning.  “A child learning to speak is an example of knowledge gained implicitly: they learn in a social setting without being taught by an instructor.”[1] That’s why it is up to parents to add to this “implicit learning” by creating an environment with gentle reminders from saying thank you, to asking for help, to reading every day and working or playing with numbers, blocks, thinking games, etc.   And the best way to do that is to model productive learning behavior, by being curious, assisting with learning tasks when needed, reading for pleasure at an appointed time together and separately.  

Ultimately what every educator strives to create is a classroom that supports students to be present during instruction, students who ask questions as they arise, connect prior knowledge to newly introduced subjects and eventually learn on their own using their own critical thinking.  Of course, to develop these skills, takes time, careful instruction, and a school and home environment that supports these efforts.  That’s where, in my professional opinion, we fall short. Can we say truthfully that we are our students’ and our children’s’ educational ally?  

We have schools that diligently work to create stellar learning environments, but sometimes the home environments do not follow suit. Sometimes it’s the other way around.   Right now, I’m sure I’m offending some readers who think, “ I do a great job of supporting my kids’ educational efforts!” And I’m sure you do.  But when parents ask why their children are not doing well in a particular subject, or how they can best support their kids at home, my answer is always the same,  “Be present. Ask questions, be interested, and engage educationally with your child.” Model good reading habits. Talk about books, do a science experiment together.   Learn together.  Most importantly, be aware. Be mindful of your actions around learning – self-reflect. Admit to not knowing something and look things up with your child. Demonstrate an ability to not know something, and then set out to learn it, practice it and celebrate the process.  That’s where the next important idea comes in:

Develop a growth mindset. Be flexible.

Carole Dweck, author of Mindset, The New Psychology of Success defines a growth mindset as the belief that our abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort, practice, and perseverance. When we have a growth mindset, we understand that we can improve and learn new things even if we face challenges or make mistakes along the way.

Having a growth mindset is crucial because it empowers us to embrace challenges, persist through difficulties, and view setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth.  It helps us overcome the fear of failure and encourages us to take risks and explore new ideas. With a growth mindset, we become more resilient, motivated, and open to continuous learning.  

Just as creating learning habits requires conscious effort and planning to some degree, so does curating a growth mindset. Here are three things a person can do to cultivate this quality:

1. Embrace Challenges and encourage your child to do so too: Instead of shying away from challenges, actively seek them out. Challenges provide opportunities for growth and learning.

2. Change Your Perspective on Failure: Rather than viewing your child’s perceived failure as a negative outcome, reframe it as a learning experience. Understand that mistakes and setbacks are part of the learning process.

3. Cultivate a Positive and Curious Attitude: Foster a positive and curious mindset towards learning. Model this for your child. Help your children approach new challenges and opportunities with enthusiasm and an open mind. Focus on the joy of learning and celebrate your and their progress and the effort you put into your endeavors, regardless of the outcome.

Learning is a life-long process. It is a process to be honed, practiced, and revised many times throughout our lifetime. When we think of learning as a process in and of itself, it becomes more of an adventure and a journey to be enjoyed and cherished instead of something to achieve, instead of a one-stop, ‘got my degree’ endpoint.   If we can model this attitude, and become a learning ally for our children, co-workers, employees, even our friends, we just might start to change the paradigm around education in general.  Now, that- would be exciting.